Focusing on Myself

 Throughout high school, I didn't really have solid friends nor a guy to date to call a "high school sweetheart." However, as soon as I entered college, I had numerous females asking to hang out to go to parties, organization events, and game events and I also had guys trying to talk to me more often. Due to not being exposed to this amount of friendship and guy interests, I picked the people that approached me first to hang out.                                                                                     It is not a bad thing to get attached to the people who suddenly have an interest in you when previously no-one has. However, the problem is I used those people as a way of a shelter cover as if since I had those people I didn't have to put myself out of my comfort zone to make new friends or talk to guys because I had my safe blanket friends. While I have nothing bad to say about the majority of my initial group, I will say that there are just some friends in a friend group that will be closer than the others.

    I realized that I was relying on them to have fun and to put me out of my loneliness. I found myself only wanting to go to the gym if I had one of them to go with, along with not going to organization events if I had to go by myself even if the org interested me, I found myself in a "relationship" with a guy who wasn't worth anything because I felt this was the best I was gonna get from college. I had to take a step back from all of the drama and stress in my life and realize that I want to work on myself.

   I don't want to be in friendships where I don't trust the girls I am friends with, or I feel dependent on people that don't want the best for me. I have a huge dependency problem, don't know where I get that from, but having only those friends and the 1 guy to turn to even if their actions were toxic towards I would still go back because who else would I turn, I didn't form close bonds with anyone but them. Which is why I want to work on myself.

  I should be able to be alone and not feel lonely (Jamila Woods-Holy reference). I should be able to be confident by myself and work on myself with feeling like I need people to valid my improvements or success. I want to build my confidence both mentally and physically, I want to grow my relationship with God, and I want to be on an everlasting journey of self-improvement and self-growth to be All About Growth. I think it is important to work on yourself before you work on building a relationship with others because if you don't know who you are and what your values are how are you going to build any long-lasting relationship rather that be with friends or a partner. I would give anyone the advice to get to know themselves so they can enter any relationship confidently, so I am going to take my advice and work on myself, for me.